
My name is Valerie, and until last year, I thought the hardest part of selling our dream home was saying goodbye. Turns out, the real challenge was dealing with buyers who believed a purchase agreement came with a personal servant.
Jonathan and I had spent three years perfecting our smart home in Willowbrook Heights. Every corner gleamed, every system ran flawlessly, and our two pampered dogs, Muffin and Biscuit, lived like royalty. Weekly grooming, organic food, plush bedsâthis wasnât just a house, it was their palace.
When Jonathanâs job transfer forced us to downsize, we treated the sale like a sacred ritual. Professional deep cleaning, carpet steaming, duct sanitizationâthe works. On our final walkthrough, I told Jonathan, âThis place smells like a spa.â We laughed, handed over the keys, and drove away proud.
Three weeks later, a letter arrived. Written in loopy handwriting, it accused our âstinky dogsâ of ruining the carpets. Mrs. Campbell claimed she couldnât meditate without nausea, demanded $10,000 for replacements, and signed off with âNamaste.â Her husband added that the smell disrupted his hot yoga recovery.
Jonathan nearly exploded. âTen thousand dollars? For dog smell that doesnât exist?â Our realtor Jennifer confirmed the house had smelled of âsuccess and lemon Pledge.â She laughed, âTheyâre trying to shake you down. You donât owe them a penny.â
But Jonathan had another idea. Weâd never disconnected from the smart home app. That night, he began his digital revenge. At 2 a.m., he raised the thermostat three degrees. The next night, he dropped it to arctic levels. Soon, the Campbells were calling daily, shrieking about scorching nights and freezing mornings.
Mrs. Campbell wailed, âThe thermostat is possessed! My chakras are misaligned! I think Iâm developing yoga PTSD!â Jonathan grinned, orchestrating heat waves at midnight, polar vortexes at dawn, and tropical saunas during meditation.
Word spread: the Campbells hired three HVAC technicians, none could fix it. Mrs. Campbell told her yoga instructor the house was cursed by âdog spirits.â She burned sage in every room, while her husband slept in the garage to protect his âmasculine energy flow.â
Three weeks later, they finally reset the system, ending our reign of thermal terror. But Mrs. Campbell still asked Jennifer for âpet haunting specialistsâ and âmasculine energy restoration experts.â
Months later, I ran into her at the grocery store. Frazzled, clutching sage bundles, she muttered, âSometimes I swear I can still feel⌠presence.â I smiled, âMaybe next time youâll think twice before demanding $10K for imaginary dog smells.â
Back home, Muffin and Biscuit wagged their tails, blissfully unaware theyâd become legendary ghost dogs. Jonathan raised his coffee mug: âHereâs to Muffin, Biscuit, and the sweetest revenge technology ever served.â
Sometimes karma needs a little helpâand in our case, it came in the form of a thermostat app and a husband with a wicked sense of justice.